What is la bise?
La bise is how the French say hello and goodbye to people they know. Two cheeks touch, one after the other, and you make a small kissing sound in the air. Your lips do not touch the other person’s face, and your bodies stay apart.
It is the greeting Americans worry about most before a first trip to France, or a first dinner with French in-laws. The worry is not the kiss. It is the count, the side, and the moment when two heads go the same way.
Under our reel about dating a Frenchman, the comments turned into a regional debate: two kisses, three in the south, four in the north, one in Brittany, start left, start right. French people do not agree on it either. That is the first thing to know.
How do you do la bise, step by step?
- Wait for the cue. If the other person leans in, lean in. If they hold out a hand, shake it. Nobody minds either way.
- Say bonjour first. Or bonsoir after dark. The greeting comes before the kiss, not instead of it.
- Turn your head slightly. Cheek goes to cheek. Which side first depends on where you are, so follow their lead. If your noses meet in the middle, laugh. Everyone has done it.
- Make the sound, not the kiss. A light touch of the cheeks and a small kissing sound in the air. No lips on skin, no hug.
- Switch sides. Then stop, unless they keep going. In most of France, two is the full set.
- Do it again when you leave. Hello and goodbye both get a bise, for everyone in the room you greeted.
Choose your own adventure
Your First Dinner with French In-Laws
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Start the adventureHow many kisses? It depends where you are
The count is regional, and it is changing. The best map comes from a survey of more than 18,600 people for the linguist Mathieu Avanzi, published by Slate in 2019.
| Where | How many |
|---|---|
| Most of France, Paris included | Two |
| Languedoc and the south of the old Rhône-Alpes region | Three |
| Parts of the north, eastern Brittany and the Loire | Four, more often among older people, though two is taking over |
| Much of Finistère, in western Brittany | One |
| French-speaking Switzerland | Two |
| Belgium | One |
The same survey asked which cheek comes first. Roughly, the south-east and the east start on one side and the rest of France on the other, with exceptions. Rather than learn the map, let the other person lead. If you are hosting, you lead, and two is always safe.
Who do you kiss, and who do you not?
- Family: always, including the children, who are taught to give a bise to every adult at the table.
- Friends: always, women and men alike.
- Friends of friends: usually, at a dinner or a party, even when you are meeting for the first time.
- Men with men: with family and close friends, yes. With everyone else, a handshake.
- Colleagues: less and less. A handshake, or just bonjour, is the norm at work now.
- Shopkeepers, waiters, strangers: never. A clear bonjour is the greeting that matters there. More on that in why French people don’t make small talk.
Did Covid kill la bise?
It made a dent. In 2021, an Ifop poll found that 78% of French people did not plan to go back to la bise with people they did not know once the pandemic was over. In 2022, 90% of the French workers surveyed by the job platform Qapa said they had stopped doing it at work.
With family and close friends, la bise is back. With people you barely know, many French people now wait to see what the other person does. Which, for an American, is good news: a handshake is never rude.
La bise vs the American hug
Americans tend to see la bise as intimate. Many French people see it the other way round. A bise keeps your bodies apart: only the cheeks meet, for a second. An American hug, arms around and chest to chest, can feel like much more to someone from Paris.
Several French followers said exactly that under our reel: the casual American hug makes them more uncomfortable than any bise. So if you are visiting French family, a bise is not too much. A bear hug might be.
Does la bise mean anything when you are dating?
No. La bise is a greeting, the same one you give his aunt. It says nothing about where you stand.
A real kiss, on the lips, is another matter. In France it often means you are now together, without the American step of defining the relationship. That story, and the rest of what dating a Frenchman was like, is in my French boyfriend.
Sources
- Slate.fr (2019), Et vous, comment faites-vous la bise ? Maps from a survey of more than 18,600 people for the linguist Mathieu Avanzi: the number of bises by region, and which cheek comes first.
- The Local (2019): who to kiss in France, how many times and on which cheek.
- The Local (October 2024): did Covid kill la bise? Ifop (2021) and Qapa (2022) figures.
Questions, answered
How many times do French people kiss on the cheek?
Two in most of France, including Paris. Three in Languedoc and the south of the old Rhône-Alpes region, up to four in parts of the north, and one in much of Finistère.
Which cheek do you kiss first in France?
It depends on the region, and French people do not agree. The simplest rule is to let the other person lead and follow their head.
Do lips touch during la bise?
No. Cheeks touch and you make a small kissing sound in the air. Lips do not touch the other person’s skin.
Do French men do la bise with each other?
With family and close friends, yes. With colleagues and people they do not know well, men usually shake hands.
Do French people do la bise at work?
Less and less. In a 2022 Qapa survey, 90% of French workers said they had stopped doing it at work. A handshake or a simple bonjour is the norm.
Is it rude not to do la bise?
No. A handshake and a clear bonjour are always polite, especially since Covid. What is rude in France is skipping the bonjour.
Still wondering?
Ask my French husband.
A short ruling in a few seconds. Written by AI from our Journal, in his voice.
He judges America weekly on Instagram, and Le Bulletin collects the best of it.
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