Translator's note: what follows is a faithful rendering of a statement delivered yesterday between 5:40 and 5:44 PM, partly from under the dinner table. The original was eleven words long. The opinions were French.
Your vote
Dinner under the table?
One tap. No email needed.
« Fromage. »
Translation: I would like cheese. I would like it now, before the meal, which I understand is against the rules of this house. I have considered the rules. Fromage.
« NON. »
Translation: a complete philosophy. It needs no translation, which almost no other word can claim, and I deploy it accordingly: to socks, to the green soup, to the ending of things, and occasionally to offers I intend to accept in a moment. My brother says I use it wrong. NON.
« En-core. En-core. Encore. ENCORE. »
Translation: the song again. The book again. The part where Papa pretends the baguette is a telephone, again. It has come to my attention that things end. I am against it. This is my formal position and I will be singing it.
« Papa dit non mais... »
Translation, delicately: Papa says no, but Papa also had some of the pancakes. I was under the table. I see the feet. I know the counts. I say nothing, but I know, and now, officially, everyone knows. Sorry Papa. (Translator's note: he is not sorry.)
This or that
Do You Parent French or American?
Snacks on demand or four o’clock sharp? The car line or walking alone? Eight this-or-that questions.
Take the quiz« Bébé. »
Translation: I have noticed Wells. He has arrived and he has milk whenever he wants, which I note is not offered to the rest of us at that frequency. He will be monitored. He is, however, very small, and I have decided he can stay. This is my mercy. Bébé.
Conclusion of the statement
Translator's note: the statement concluded when the author placed his yogurt upside down on the table, looked each of us in the eye, and left for the living room, as is tradition. The chair remains under review. The family stands by its correspondent.
Questions, answered
Does Harry speak French?
Barely. He is two and says very few words, but the ones in this statement are French, and so are the opinions.
Why do toddlers say encore so much?
In French, encore means 'again' or 'more' - for a two-year-old it's the highest-value word available, covering songs, food, books, and the fundamental injustice of things ending.
Did Harry really write this?
He delivered the original statement in person, at volume, from under the table. His mother translated. The family considers it his most complete work to date.
Still wondering?
Ask my French husband.
A short ruling in a few seconds. Written by AI from our Journal, in his voice.
For his verdicts delivered with unreasonable seriousness, we're on Instagram — and Le Bulletin gets field notes like this one.
