My mama says I can do the writing today. I am four. These are the correct foods. It is official.
Number one: mussels
Mussels are the best food. You get a little fork AND the shells, and when you finish, you can make the shells into a boat. Papa says in France everyone knows mussels are for children. Mama took a picture the first time. Nobody in France thought the picture was interesting. That is because they know about the shells already.
Number two: Babybel
You unwrap it yourself. There is the red part and then the cheese is inside like a present. Papa says it is not a real cheese, it is a "consolation." I looked at him. He gave me another one.
Number three: the bread with the chocolate inside
At four o'clock we have the goûter and you can have the bread with the chocolate IN it. Not before four o'clock. I asked one time at three o'clock and Papa looked at the clock and then at me and we waited. The waiting is very long but then the chocolate.
Number four: Mama's pancakes
On Sundays we have American breakfast and there is syrup and Papa has SOME even though he says brunch is "dinner's fun cousin." He has the same amount as me. Mama counts.
Number five: soup
Soup is fine. We have soup a lot. Sometimes it is green and sometimes it is orange. You are allowed to have more bread if you finish the soup, so actually soup is a door to bread. This is my discovery. You can use it.
The incorrect foods
Harry's food after Harry has held it. That is the list. Papa said the list would be longer. Papa was wrong but I did not say it because he was reading over my shoulder. Hi Papa.
The end
These are the rankings. They are official until I am five. Wells cannot have opinions yet because he only has milk, and milk is not ranked, it is just always there, like Mama. That is the end. Owen.
Questions, answered
Do French-American kids really eat mussels?
Owen does, enthusiastically, since age three - largely because of the shells. Exposure without pressure (the family rule of tasting everything calmly) is how foods like mussels become normal to small children.
What is the bread with chocolate inside?
The classic French goûter: a piece of baguette with a bar of dark chocolate pressed into it, eaten at 4 PM. It is, per the author, worth the waiting.
Did his father approve this column?
He reviewed it for accuracy over the author's shoulder and approved it with one abstention regarding pancake quantities, which the household considers a full confession.
For his verdicts delivered with unreasonable seriousness, we're on Instagram — and Le Bulletin gets one field note like this a month.