French vs American weddings: what is different

Who marries you in France?

The mayor. In France the only legal wedding is the civil one, at the mairie, performed by the mayor or a deputy wearing the tricolour sash. The couple and their witnesses sign the register, and parts of the Civil Code on marriage are read aloud. A church or any other ceremony can follow, but it has no legal effect, and it cannot take place before the civil one.

That is the first big difference with America, where a priest, a rabbi or a friend ordained online can sign the license and the whole thing happens in one place.

What is the publication des bans?

Before the wedding, the couple’s names are posted on the town hall noticeboard for at least ten days, so that anyone with a legal objection can come forward. Today it is a formality, and one of the many papers in the file. At the end of the ceremony the couple receives a livret de famille, the family booklet in which children will later be recorded.

The vin d’honneur

After the ceremonies comes the vin d’honneur, literally the wine of honour: Champagne, wine and small bites, often outdoors. It is not the meal. Many couples invite a wider circle to this part only, colleagues, neighbours, the whole village, and keep the dinner for family and close friends. Americans do not really have the equivalent; the cocktail hour comes closest, but everyone at it stays for dinner.

The reception and the croquembouche

French wedding dinners are long. Several courses, speeches, games and sketches by friends, dancing, and in many weddings a last round of food in the early morning. Leaving at 4 a.m. is not leaving early.

The traditional dessert is the croquembouche: a cone of cream-filled choux held together with caramel, often cracked open at the table. Many couples now choose a tower of macarons or a regular cake instead.

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The cortège and the rice

As the couple leaves the town hall, the guests’ cars follow in a convoy and honk all the way, the cortège. Rice, once thrown at the couple, is now banned by many town halls because it is slippery and attracts birds; petals and bubbles have replaced it.

Gifts and the registry

The French have a liste de mariage, a registry, often at a department store or now online, and many couples simply ask for help with the honeymoon. Cash is common, slipped into an urn at the reception. The American shower-then-registry sequence is less of a ritual.

Our wedding

He proposed in Paris, at night, near the Pont Alexandre III, and the next day we were in Venice, at Harry’s Bar, in a dress he had bought for the occasion. We married in 2018 at my mother’s house near the beach in Massachusetts. The longer story is in my French boyfriend.

If you marry a French citizen outside France, the marriage can be recorded in the French civil register through the French consulate, which is the step that makes it exist on the French side. Ask the consulate before the wedding, not after.

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